Anger management

I always know that I have emotional problems  ~  I never feel that I have the right to be angry at anyone or about anything . In situations where I normally should have been upset with others  ,  I manipulated the situation around in my head so that I often end up angry with myself instead of someone else  ~  Everything is always my fault  ~  I believe  ~  so I have no right to be angry with anyone other than myself . 
  I don't yell  ,  NEVER once in my life  ~  I can't and  I don't know how  ~   I hardly ever raise my voice  ~  sometimes I actually prided myself on my ability to hold things in and remain in control .
Ppl often comment on how calm and collected I always seemed  ~  I feel good when I hear things like that ~  Yet these comments  also reinforce my belief that it's wrong  for me to be angry .
 In my life 8, I've known plenty of  easily angry ppl  and have always promised myself that I'd never end up as one .  I don't like being angry ;  I don't like feeling ugly and hateful ..........
Deep down I honestly know that it's abnormal  and unhealthy  ~  I might end up with more serious problems .
I've tried to show my anger several times but I still don't feel comfortable showing it to others , and I don't know how to feel my anger in ways that are appropriate . 
 I'm afraid of anger  ~  perhaps it's about time to seek professional help !