FeaR

Fear has stopped me from living ~ when will I be able to quit looking over my shoulder expecting the worse to happen ?!  ... And what's the worse that can happen ? Death ? Am I so afraid of death that it has frozen me in life ? No , I think I'm more afraid of being hurt or becoming a burden to friends, family and the society... 

I have no idea when I became a person of always living with fear. I know as a child growing up with an alcoholic father definitely helped !! I have always been able to keep my fears in check. Yet I've never had anyone I could rely on or turn to for guidance. 

Sure, my mom did try her best but I don't believe she could see the fear I felt and my dad definitely didn't have a clue about what fear was doing to me...

So here I am  ~  consumed by all types of fears and irrational thots and behaviors. I'm trying to live my life yet fear keeps on pulling me away from it !! Fear is gripping me and making me not only mentally ill but now physically ill. 

Fear is a big giant , I'm not sure if I can beat it ... for it's a one hell of a knock down dragged out fight...