Torn ...

I don't know how to carry on anymore…

That nothing makes sense . 

And that I don't know how the things I wish I'd never felt will ever not consume me the way they do now …

I have no spark of wisdom that will change everything in an instant .  No mantra or recipe that can soothe my tired mind.

I can't stop myself thinking what I think  .  I can't stop myself feeling what I feel …

I am helpless  …  I am lost  …  I am broken  …  An innocent heart thrust in to the stream of  " real life "  not knowing how to swim …

My hope is as minimal as my helplessness is overpowering …

Yes ,  I have to give up … I can't go on anymore …

Sure ,  there has to be a reason  …  and I simply can't see there's a way which will make it works out eventually.

Yes ,  it hurts  …  More than I ever experienced  …  I have to drag myself out  of  bed when all I really want to do is pretend  that I don't exist  …  I have to carry that pain around  with  me for a while  …  a long while …

Maybe I will be all fine one day  …  yes ,  maybe …