insecurities
For almost all my life , I've been ducking my own reckoning . I resist the truth about how I feel , what I crave and who I am . I've learned how to avoid myself so well that it feels comfortable to hide and not being seen .
Whenever I think about opening myself up , healing , moving forward , listening to myself ~ it all feels weak . For I've spent an enormous amount of time constructing a callous to life and heaving up walls to give myself a sense of secure ... It's solid enough to never be disturbed and to keep life small enough that it wouldn’t overwhelm me ... Yup , distance from others and never betraying any type of vulnerability make me feel safe .... Even I know to avoid , escape , run , hide is not brave and will eventually withstand the courage it takes to build real intimacy with others . But whenever l look at this brutal world and see a place I must protect myself from.
Whenever I think about opening myself up , healing , moving forward , listening to myself ~ it all feels weak . For I've spent an enormous amount of time constructing a callous to life and heaving up walls to give myself a sense of secure ... It's solid enough to never be disturbed and to keep life small enough that it wouldn’t overwhelm me ... Yup , distance from others and never betraying any type of vulnerability make me feel safe .... Even I know to avoid , escape , run , hide is not brave and will eventually withstand the courage it takes to build real intimacy with others . But whenever l look at this brutal world and see a place I must protect myself from.
I admit that I have it all wrong ... It's not a right way to LIVE ... yet I'd rather let it be wrong !!!!