All Of My Life

" Following your heart is like having someone wrap a blind-fold over your eyes and take you by the hand . You cannot really see where you're going ，or how you're gonna get there .   All you can really do in such   darkness  is   trust  that  ' the  hand ' leading you will never  fail to take you where you want to go . "   my high school teacher ， Mr Leslie ， once said .

Shame to admit that at my age I still don't know where I'm going / want to go ~  All I know ，that place isn't here . 

My entire life I have been the odd one out . I never truly belonged to a clique or a group of people ，I never cared ，I never missed ( except for my mom) ，I never resented ，I never fought for anyone to remain in my life . Even in my childhood years I recall this constant feeling of   " I 'm placed onto a stage in a production called ' Life ' .  God is the director and I'm merely a talent-less 
actress who always forget the script . "  And I have this nasty habit of bumping to sets and falling on my face .  Don't even get me started on the prop pieces !

A life of   ' I don't belong '  can drive one crazy  .  Perhaps that's why I have spent my entire life counting down days  ，minutes  ， and seconds until the next best thing  .  I've been told repeatedly of  how poorly I have been living my life ，of how I need to go out there and grab life by the balls  ......  Except I am stuck here  ，constricted within these four walls  .  Yet I wake up every 
day solely on the promise  that one day I will  let my heart carry me to  my happiness  ， to the place where I can finally belong  ......