Dream On

I am going through something very private at the moment . It is fearful and wonderful at the same time – but it is hard for me to write about . 

In fact ，I am just trying to  build a life that is my own creation . So much hard work . So much pain . But you have no idea how liberating it is to create a life that is not based on any pre-made idea ，normality nor numbing conformity. I have a clear vision of what kind of life I want for myself . I want to explore so many sides to myself that I haven’t been able to explore before . 

To make this journey is not easy . I have no one to rely on . This is my journey ，it is only meant for me alone . There aren’t any guidelines . No manuals . Not even a clear path to follow . I have been so used to merely ‘surviving’ life after my traumas . Life was painful in every area and my focus was on getting through one hardship after the other for  years . Now ，I am on the other side of the darkness . Getting used to the light . I still feel blinded at times .

I am still in ‘survival mode’ ... yet I wanna LIVE 。 LOVE 。 CREATE …. yup ，create magic in everything I do – in who I am becoming . Creating magic in my art ，magic in other people’s hearts and minds ， in the way I look at the world . I wish to create a life that I could call a living dream .

I must go on dreaming the dream so I can follow it all the way to the very edge  and turn it into some kind of reality .... You can call me insane ...  well ， maybe I am  ... but at least I'm working hard on it to make it possible ... just to create a life outside what people consider ‘normal’ and ‘real’ by using the magic of creativity and imagination .