Still Surviving

2018 is just less than 48 hrs away . I can’t believe I'll actually be able to touch and feel it ...  So much has happened during this year .... a handful of good things ... but mostly bad . No one could ever imagine how close I got to the grave... 

And blinded by fear and insecurities  ， I also walked away from an on and off relationship ... 

Yup  ， I've  always had such fear  ...  an uncontrollable fear  ... 

My life is made of a collection of broken dreams and heartaches  . Traumas is where my love happened  ，so I don’t take love or closeness for granted . My mom had taught me so much about love  ~  about healthy ， nurturing ， resilient love that doesn’t come with a dark side or any bad intentions ... but I might never be able to find it to make sure .... 

It’s easy for me to push ppl away and give up on someone  ..... To give in to all the fear  ~  Unless I find him totally honest and devoted  ~  coz only pure and faithful love is strong enough to survive and grown into a home .  

Unfortunately while casanova is overgrown ，loyalist is exactly like endangered species  ... nowhere to be found !!

So here I’m ... still surviving  .... but homeless !!!