Helpness

I hate how sensitive my heart is for as long as i remember . I don't know where it stems from ，but it’s a life time struggle ....

I never would have thought that it would bring me to where I am today. I feel like I can't function. I have no motivation for anything. Even the idea of death doesn't scare me. My heart is constantly trying to fight it ，but half of it has already given up ... 

Yup  ，Years and years of pain，criticism，self-hate，betrayal ，loss ⋯ the once optimistic girl has been buried so deep that I don't even know what kind of person I am anymore. I've become so accustomed to the numbness ，the only time I do have feeling it comes out harshly. I end up irritated and annoyed and all I want to do is criticize myself and point out my own flaws . My mind never wants to listen to my heart coz beneath it all ，I'm screaming at the coward that I'm becoming . I don't want to be this person ，yet I am so helpless ...