I would be lying if the thot of dead didn't frequently keep me up at night ... yet I can't let this cruel reality ruin the rest of my life ... even it might be not much left ... 
Really ， to live or not to live ， it's beyond of my control . Whatever my perception of high power is ， even if there's none ， it's not up to me when I get called home .... I could die at any moment ... but it's ok ， after all ， it's not a life worth living being in constant fear ...