Let it be

5 years ago someone asked me If I could be told the number of days， months，or years I had to live，would I want to know .  I said I would ，so that I would know what lies ahead . It’s the uncertainty of this illness that holding me from actually living ! 

3 years ago I thought I would have to live with that unbearable pain till the very last minute . 

2 years ago I thought I had a year to live . 

1 year  ago I thought I had to contact the health department for medical assistance in dying .

3 months ago they told me the majority issues of my health was resolved dramatically.

1 week ago they told me I no longer need to check in once  a month ... 

Looking back I just don’t think I would want to know my future . Part of who I am now is built on faith ， experience and going thru some really rough times.