Nikki ，the registered nurse，called this morning to remind me of my scheduled surgery on Thursday .
As we finished talking about possible scenarios，she asked me if there's anything I am particularly scared of or worried about.
I told her that I 'm not crazy about the way I'm going to die ， my biggest fear probably is the pain that I will have to go thru . I'd like to remain calm yet the 5 hours surgery is gonna make me feel panicky no matter how much self control I exercise . Other than that ，nothing really worries me ， we all have to go one way or another ，don't we ? Yup ，it's hard but also good ， to speak of the future and the potential lack thereof .
I told her that I 'm not crazy about the way I'm going to die ， my biggest fear probably is the pain that I will have to go thru . I'd like to remain calm yet the 5 hours surgery is gonna make me feel panicky no matter how much self control I exercise . Other than that ，nothing really worries me ， we all have to go one way or another ，don't we ? Yup ，it's hard but also good ， to speak of the future and the potential lack thereof .
She asked me how I keep my cool . I told her it's time and practice .... after all ，this isn't my first death rehearsal .... and possibly more to come ?!