Dead Knot

Last nite I woke up in the weird wee hours and couldn’t fall back to sleep. I laid there thinking about all the things I wanted to do and how long it might take to accomplish them all. 

In the past few years ，I have sometimes measured my life span in days ⋯ At my most optimistic ，I plan perhaps 6 months out ....  in the absence of an effective therapy and at the rate my physical discomfort seems to grow ， that might be a reasonable projection.

Denial has never been my style ，yet I try to keep a positive attitude ...   Get busy living not thinking about dying. To wit ~ when first diagnosed with the illness I understood only too well the odds that I faced with an overall five year survival statistic of 15% . I have helped myself deal with this reality by picturing a bell curve in my mind’s eye I am waaaaay out on the end .

In reality I have achieved outlier status  ~  living a bit beyond my ‘expiration date’.... However，due to the pernicious nature of my disease ，an unexpected storm could always pop up out of nowhere ....  As I once said to a friend whose illness had taken a turn for the worse ..... when the thing that’s trying to kill you ，will keep on trying !!!