It’s been 22 years ....

I never thought I could ever get over the death of you ... In fact  , the day I lost you to cancer still lives so vividly in my mind .... 

I could never forget the way you struggled to breathe the last breath . The pain must be killing you . It really hurts me to see you suffered ... How I wished I could bear part ，if not all the pain you had to undergo. But the only thing I could do was to watch you losing your battle to death . I held on to your hand until you left ... without me ......

I didn't know what to do with myself  when you’re gone ~  for you're everything in my life ... Suddenly ，I felt lost ... There was no light to guide me anymore .... I could not live a normal life . I could not get you out of my mind . Everything I did ， your images would be there . Somehow， subconsciously，you seem pretty much alive to me . I could see you making dinner every nite . I could also see you tending to our garden of roses besides me every weekend . And you would still sit by my side to watch late nite news every evening ...... All this I never tell anyone  ~  all they would say would be ， " she is dead already and you are probably having illusions ..... "  

Maybe the main reason why I never tell anyone is that I can't accept the fact that they're right .... you're gone .....

All these things carry on for more than six years until ....  I was not quite sure what actually hits me，but one nite，you appeared in my dreams  as usual and we talked about lots of things，and I can't wait to tell you all the things I did . Suddenly，you held on to my hand，looked me into my eyes and with tears in yours  . You said ，" Ah mui， please wake up， I'm gone  . It hurts me，more than you know，knowing that you are wasting your life like this ....... Please，for my sake，wake up .  "  ....  I woke up crying in my bed that morning， realizing the truth ....  yes，you're gone !!!!!!  And I started to live my life once again .....

Yup，it hurts a lot to see the one that we love so dearly passed away，and it's never easy to get over someone whom had once shared our life . But getting over someone doesn't mean forgetting that person . We place them close to us  ~   in our heart  ~  to always remember them .  In so doing，they live forever . But the most important things would be for us to carry on with our life so as not to disappoint them  ~  As for the dreams .......